Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
