I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
