is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize