When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
