he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
