what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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