By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
