Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
