yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize