so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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