In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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