I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
