Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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