after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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