I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
