ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
