I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How naked do you want me to be?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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