Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
