I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
