i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
