You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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