dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
