do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
