Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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