I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
