dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize