No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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