As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
