I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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