I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize