he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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