He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
