dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
