I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
