i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
