you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you didnt know i had herpes?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
