So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
