If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
