just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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