bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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