Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she smelled like a LAN party
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
