I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
