Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
