I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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