just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
