Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
