I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
