he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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