Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
