hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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