i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Farmville is her only friend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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