we have officially lost it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
