The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
