i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
