I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
