Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
