I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize