Whod you bang
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
