Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
