apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
