Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Randomize
