I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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