dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
