just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
