i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
