His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
