a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
